I have written newspaper and magazine articles, and ghostwritten speeches, created ads for public television and copy for a televised auction, and, contributing to the world’s ills, I conceived and wrote three blow-in subscription cards — those annoying slips of paper that fall out of magazines when you start flipping through the pages. The blow-ins were for Mountain Bike magazine and earned me the distinction of being the copywriter who came up with the best-selling card at the time as well as the one that ended up being the worst-performing ever — to this day. I’ve written an operation manual for a bike-building business, three wedding services (all still married), and entries for Encyclopedia Britannica, back when people still used paper encyclopedias. I got drunk once on Little Kings and, for a class in Advanced Humanities Studies, in five hours wrote a paper entitled “Homeric Lachrymation” that got an A+. The smartest guy in the class, Robert Cooney, who had gotten just an A, read my paper afterward and told me it was bullshit, and I agreed with him in full. Later on, our professor murdered his wife. These are some of my favorite nonfiction stories.

And It Breaks My Heart  · ·  Are You Ready for Some Cycling?  · ·  ŸBecause It Feels Good When I Stop: An Agony in 5 Parts  · ·  Between the Notes  · ·  The Best Worst Day  · ·  The Blood Sport  · ·
City Riding Etiquette  · ·  Eulogy for the Landlords  · ·   Fast Friends  · ·  Happily Into Hell  · ·  House Rules  · ·  I Have Never Thrown Away a Bicycle  · ·  If You’re Breathing  · ·  A Multitude If Not An Infinity  · ·  The Perfect American Jersey  · ·  Phoenix Rising  · ·  THE PURSUIT (a compilation)  · ·  Racing You  · ·  The Resurrection  · ·  Riding With (My) Heart  · ·  Runners  · ·  Salut, Femme  · ·  THE SELECTION (a compilation)  · ·
SITTING IN (a compilation)  · ·  Some Myth  · ·  Sound  · ·  Speed  · ·  Ten Stupid Things Mountain Bikers Do to Mess Up Their Lives  · ·  Tomorrow Is Another Trail  · ·  The Tour’s Master of Last Place  · ·  Unbelievable  · ·  The Unimaginable Unfathomable  · ·  We Say We Love Our Bikes  · · Weather, Or Not · ·  What Are You Doing Here?  · ·  What Every Kid Wants  · ·  Whoom  · ·  Yard Camping

Advertisements